GRAND RAPIDS, MI (2012) – Police are looking for a man who was arrested weeks ago for allegedly climbing onto a satellite on top of a middle school completely naked.

A police report dating back to July 4th 2009 states the 22-year-old Grand Rapids native was yelling gibberish at the sky.

It states the suspect shouted “I’m trying to contact my alien brothers,” to a crowd of screaming 6th graders.

One student told police it sounded like the alien language Klingons spoke in the Sci-Fi series Star Trek.

In the report officers were able to convince Witkowski to come off the roof, but had to use force when they tried to clothe him.

“He started running in circles screaming when we tried to get him to wear pants,” Officer Mike Young said in a recent interview, “We had to tase him to get them on.”

Authorities say they placed the half conscious, half clothed Witkowski in the back of a police car to take him into the station for questioning. When they arrived they were surprised to find he was, again naked.

SAN DIEGO, CA

Officials at the San Diego Zoo confirmed today that a woman has died from injuries sustained while trying to obtain a Polar Bear cub.

33 year old Danielle Manson of Irvine, CA, hopped a fence into the Polar Bear enclosure and attempted to grab a newborn cub before the cub’s mother attacked. “She didn’t hesitate” said an eyewitness. “I almost couldn’t believe what I was seeing.”

Hours after the attack, videos surfaced on YouTube.com taken from camera phones at the scene. The site has since removed all videos.

When authorities searched Ms. Manson’s home, they discovered twenty-two pairs of other animals. They included dogs, cats, birds, turtles and squirrels. Officials believe she was trying to create a modern-day ark.